She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
