she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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