It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
