youre lurking in front of me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
