you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize