just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
