just survived the first fart of the relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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