I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
