God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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