Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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