ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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