Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
