Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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