I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
