did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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