ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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