i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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