Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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