so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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