Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
