pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
