I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
