When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
