Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
