So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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