I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
