i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
