I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
