she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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