you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
