I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
