Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
