whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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