She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
