My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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