Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
