Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
