Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
These tits shall not be calmed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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