NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Houston, we have a blender
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
