True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
