God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
