i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to sanitize my soul.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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