woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
