I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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