shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
