also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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