im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
