The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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