The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The air was thick with penises
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
