If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
