If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
