i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
