**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
