girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
