i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
