Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i will never coherently bang her
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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