It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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