So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
