I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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