dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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