Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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