My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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