god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
